put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
