ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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