Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
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