Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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