Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
