Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
