you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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