I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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