after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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