i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
