apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
