Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
