So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
