Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
