My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
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You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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