You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
