But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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