When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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