It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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