New invention idea: vibrating tampons
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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