I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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