Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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