i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
