By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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