Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
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I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize