The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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