I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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