ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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