so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize