Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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