Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
soo... how was my night?
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