so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
