Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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