how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
