I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
