he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
