I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
