so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
