I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
