He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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