So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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