They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
