fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
