he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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