i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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