So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
