The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
