Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
