I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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