Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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