you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
