I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am puke
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
