I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
