and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
