What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
