well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And then my night got REAL pukey
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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