i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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