I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
