Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
