You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
MIDGETS
????
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
