Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
