I cannot find my penis.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
