was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
