im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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