I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
