i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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