No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
