if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize