I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
