I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
