Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish life had little blips of pornography
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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