just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
