You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
