On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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