absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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