I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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