He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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