I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Please don't give away my fajitas
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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