i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
