Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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