you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
