swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
