sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
