Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
