No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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