bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Acid is not a monday night drug
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
