There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
