Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
